The Deer with The Leer

Context: Many years ago, when I was still a fan of Vivian Madrano's work, I pinned the following in my free time.

-Note
A while back I got to thinking about how Husker Cat and The Cat in The Hat are both black and white cats who wear nothing but a hat and a bowtie. After some thought, and hours of work, i rewrote the classic children’s book.
The Deer with the Leer is a story about a tall, strange, animal like creature, who drops in on a group of three. He visits the trio for the joy of entertainment, and brings with him two more creatures to help out.
Someone really should’ve paid me for this…
[02/21]

-Current Note
Hazbin Hotel is not a series that any child should be introduced to, it is obscene, vulgar, tone deaf, and should not be viewed by anyone below adulthood. The following work was not made with the intent to make the works of Vivian Madrano appear child-friendly, and all intentions were purely in the interest of absurdism. This work contains harsh language not suitable for all audiences.
[08/26]

The Deer with The Leer

My smile did not shine. 

Still the sky remained red 

We sat in the Hotel 

Many people were dead. 

i sat there with Vaggie. 

And now AngelDust too

and i said, 'my plan l failed,

I don’t know what to do' 

No one wants to work 

Your one clients a mess 

All the comments I got. 

Made me fill with distress. 

Now all we could do was to 

Wait! 

Wait! 

Wait! 

Wait! 

and hope someone else thought. 

It wasn’t to late. 

and then something went KNOCK! 

Fast I undid the lock! 

we looked! 

when we saw him, my heart filled with fear! 

we looked! 

and we saw him! 

the deer with the leer! 

and he said to us, 

'why Hel-Lo there my dears!' 

'i know you’re a wreck

From your picture show presence. 

But I couldn’t

Resist, my what a performance!' 

'Now I’m here to make you a deal,' 

said the deer. 

'I’ve grown rather bored,' 

said the deer with the leer. 

'I lack inspiration, 

as weak as a welp. 

You’ve got passion darling, so I’m here to help.' 

He stood there all smiles,

As we stood there confused. 

Could we trust this radio demon amused?

but vaggie said, 'hell! No! 

Deer man, I know your game! 

Charlie we can’t trust him 

He’s completely insane! 

he can not stay here. 

he can not help this place. 

he can not be trusted 

Or we’ll be erased!' 

'now! now! have no fear. 

have no fear!' He said calm. 

'And put on a smile,' 

And he put out his palm. 

'I’d like to help 

Run things, i won’t be a heal, 

All for entertainment! 

So do we have a deal?' 

'Charlie no!' said Vaggie. 

'You cannot trust his leer!' 

So I said ‘please calm down. 

I can handle this deer' 

'It’s a deal' i did say 

'But I have one command. 

As your princess down here 

I will not shake your hand. 

You’ll stay long as you’d like 

and you will not trick me.

You’ll help till you’re bored and you go.

Sound savvy?... 

'look at me! 

look at me now!' said the cat. 

'with a cup and a cake 

on the top of my hat! 

i can hold up TWO books! 

i can hold up the fish! 

and a little toy ship! 

and some milk on a dish! 

and look! 

i can hop up and down on the ball! 

but that is not all! 

oh, no. 

that is not all... 

'look at me! 

look at me! 

look at me NOW! 

it is fun to have fun 

but you have to know how. 

i can hold up the cup 

and the milk and the cake! 

i can hold up these books! 

and the fish on a rake! 

i can hold the toy ship 

and a little toy man! 

and look! with my tail 

i can hold a red fan! 

i can fan with the fan 

as i hop on the ball! 

but that is not all. 

oh, no. 

that is not all...' 

that is what the cat said... 

then he fell on his head! 

he came down with a bump 

from up there on the ball. 

and sally and i, 

we saw ALL the things fall! 

and our fish came down, too. 

he fell into a pot! 

he said, 'do i like this? 

oh, no! i do not. 

this is not a good game,' 

said our fish as he lit. 

'no, i do not like it, 

not one little bit!' 

'now look what you did!' 

said the fish to the cat. 

'now look at this house! 

look at this! look at that! 

you sank our toy ship, 

sank it deep in the cake. 

you shook up our house 

and you bent our new rake. 

you SHOULD NOT be here 

when our mother is not. 

you get out of this house!' 

said the fish in the pot. 

'Fair enough then my dear

But is this your whole staff?

And he looked to Vaggie, 

but Vaggie did not laugh. 

'well, I can suck ya dick’

Said Angel with a smirk

‘Ha! No!' said the deer with a leer, 

'No 

No 

No... 

Charlie you will 

Need more than this, that I know!” 

The deer snapped once. 

and, then, what transpired, 

From the ground did rise 

A crate, engulfed in fire. 

a big roaring fire. 

He stood proud with a laugh. 

'A proper hotel,' 

said the deer. 

'Needs a staff!' 

then he got up on top 

And he made himself clear. 

'To help, I‘ll cash in some favors,' 

said the deer. 

'in this box are two souls 

And I’ll tell them to work. 

you will like these two souls,' 

said the deer with a smirk. 

'i will open this box. 

you will trust he and her. 

They’re old friends of mine named

Nifty and Husker. 

Huskers is a delight, and

Nifty is spiffy.' 

then, out of the box 

came Husker and Nifty! 

Nifty ran to us fast. 

She said, 'Nice to meet you! 

It has been a long time

Since I met someone new!' 

And Husker, well he 

Did not seem quite as pleased. 

He marched up to the deer 

Looking not too appeased. 

He threw down his cards. 

And then he said, 'Hell! No! 

Damnit Deer, I had

A full house! All that dough! 

You thought it’d be funny 

To pull me now guy?!

I was about to win!' 

said the cat in the tie. 

'Ah Husker, my good friend,' 

said the Deer with the leer. 

'I’m glad you could come.' 

and he gave them a beer. 

'With your charm and your smile! 

You shall man the front desk. 

And you’ll have lots of cheap booze 

All to keep you in check.' 

You think you can buy me deer man,' 

said the guy 

'Well you’re right, you can,' 

said the cat in the tie

'no! No alcohol!' 

said Vaggie in a fit. 

'We can not serve liquor 

In here! Not one bit.’

Angel leaped from the floor

And then Vaggie was hit! 

‘Shut up shut up!

We are keeping it’

then Nifty did run

And she started to clean. 

From windows to walls 

She was like a machine! 

Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! 

not one thing left unclean. 

Husker took his place! 

Seated at the counter!

he ignored Angel and 

His flirty encounter!

I did welcome him 

To the Happy Hotel.

He responded displeased 

I thought ‘he is unwell!’

My new staff was ready 

All thanks to the red deer 

“Well dear what do you think?” 

Asked the deer with the leer 

and i said, 

'I love them, Sir you’ve calmed my dismay! 

in response Vaggie said, 

“I guess it’s ok!' 

The hotel is ready,

What more can I say?

We’re all working here,

Hope you enjoy your stay!

We’re waiting here eager

For new clientele

All of us here

At the Happy Hotel

My dreams finally set Everything’s ready here

With everyone here my dreams no longer doomed

And it’s all thanks thanks to that red deer

To the Deer with the Leer “ha ha ha. . . Stay Tuned~”